S.I.G!

Jimmy moseyed down the aisle, it was day x of crises XXIVII ay yi yi and carumba what a fine development this was. Cries of despair in cubes to his right, angry curt insults barked politely and passive agressively into phones on his left and up ahead a view outside to the polar vortex!

The vortex, it was said, would freeze a man solid in less than 30 seconds. But would it freeze these people? A manager loped by, hunched over her phone, howling into it begging to get status updates. A tense pear shaped man just stood by the coffee machine down the hall shaking slightly and sipping menacingly.. if anyone could actually spit lava this guy could.

It was time for the Standard Issue Grin that Jimmy had been assigned back in his college days, back in Ralph Yingling's classroom after class, when he worked as an intern.

"Jimmy," Ralph had told him, sipping on a cup of Joe like a seasoned professional, when it hits the fan and when I say it I mean IT! Information Technology! I, T! I.T.!"

He paused to chuckled at his own joke as Jimmy checked his arm to make sure there was no watch on it.

"Jimmy, it's time.. for a Ralph Rule!"

A Ralph rule was a sketchy yet humorous technique that Ralph advised be used in a tough situation. Ralph stabbed his hand into the air 3 times for emphasis as he spoke his magic words.

"Standard! Issue! Grin!"

"Um?" said Jimmy, just full to the brim with.. admittedly no interest. He had beers waiting at home with his girlfriend! It was Friday!

"Standard Issue Grin, baby. When things go bad, and they will! Oh, how they will. You have but one thing to do that will only help you. Other things, well, you are on your own. But his one thing. You grin. You use a , well not a shit eating grin."

"Good, I suspect I wouldnt grin whilst eating shit."

"Right! So it's a standard issue grin. A run of the mill smile that lets people know that YOU are not losing your mind. Or, you have. But no one will get hurt! Standard Issue every day nothing to worry about grin. Now try one. OK now one that you might have when your balls are NOT in a vice. OK better but lose the stroke facial tick. Again."

And so Sargent Yingling ran him through the drills and by the end of the night he was issued his standard issue grin.

So today..  it was Jimmy's ONLY weapon and he used it as he moseyed down the hall, to the elevator, and then.. it was the weekend.

Thanks Ralph.