3 Guys off the Wagon

<fade up on room with some phone operators in it in blue shirts, sign on wall says '3 guys off the wagon moving'. phone rings, an operator answers it>

3GOTW Operator: Hello sir, how may we help you at 3 Guys off the Wagon moving company?

Caller: Yes. Yes I have a complaint

3GOTW Operator: I'm very sorry to hear that sir. Hold please

Caller: I/ok

3GOTW Operator:  OK. Sir can you give us some more information?

Caller: yes, 3 of your guys showed up and/

3GOTW Operator: They showed up! That's great.

Caller: yes but they were stumbling around. They seemed disorientated. They dropped some things.

3GOTW Operator: sorry to hear that

Caller: they didnt listen. they slurred their words. They were.. well they didn't seem OK

3GOTW Operator: how so

Caller: well .. to be honest I smelt booze

3GOTW Operator: what kind of booze

Caller: excuse me?

3GOTW Operator: when i go off the wagon I like to go in deep, quick. I choose something hard like Gin!

Caller: I'm sorry? WHAT? You admit they were drunk

3GOTW Operator: Sir are you ready for the punchline? We all know the punchline

Caller: Are you trying to tell me that 3 Guys off the Wagon is a moving company full of drunk people who just fell off of efforts to stay sober?

3GOTW Operator: absolutely not

Caller: ok. good

3GOTW Operator: you just told youself! Look I gotta go work on the next skit will I see you there?

Caller: WTF! Yea fine. ok <hangs up>

<fade out. then fade back up on same room, the operators are changing shirts into red shirts, one of them puts sign on the wall over the other sign and it says "tea totallers."  phone rings, an operator answers it>

TT Operator: Hello, Tea Totallers headquarters.

Caller: Hello. I have a complaint to file!

TT Operator: I am so sorry. Sir what is the nature of your complaint

Caller: Well, I last week had my shipment of tea, after you guys did your thing and I turned it in, and today I got feedback. EVERY TOTAL WAS WRONG

TT Operator: very sorry to hear sir

Caller: Earl Gray: off by 1,087. Green: Off by over 3000. Lemon: waaay off! And there's more

TT Operator: well, very sorry. was this last week.. last Tueaday? St Patricks day? when you had us total?

Caller: yes actually

TT Operator: oh. well our tea totallers were all hammered I bet

Caller: what?!?! but. um, your company is called tea totallers.

TT Operator: we may be tea totallers but we arent tea totallers

Caller: that .. hey you know what, the first skit was better

TT Operator: beg your pardon?

Caller: the 3 guys off the wagon being off the wagon. it was better this one is kind of archaic.

TT Operator: this one has the added irony of. with the thing not being the same

Caller: yea but it's dumb. I'm going to call into another sketch comedy show. goodbye.

TT Operator: sir, in our defense neither joke is funny. sir? hello? sir?

another TT Operator: what's the joke to wrap this all up. the punchline

TT Operator: i dont think we have one.

another TT Operator: well then. let's just go home

<they all leave as the monty python music plays>

TT Operator <from offstage> that's not funny either, you can't just tie this in to Monty Python ..they were funny!

voice: shut up!

Workin the CORE!

Scene opens on a meeting room with the Boss, Bill, and Susan. Sam walks in and sits down



Boss: ok so.. where is.. oh there he is

Sam: Hello!

Boss: nice of you to show up for this meeting!

Sam: well it's on my calendar

Boss: where were you all morning? All week in the morning.

Bill: All week in the afternoon too!

Sam: it's my new core policy. workin the core!

Bill: what does cross training have to do with this

Sam: well, time at the gym is good for my quads. my lats. my glutes! the guns! it's not all about cardio my friend

Boss: what you've been at the gym for 30 hours a week????

Sam: not just the gym. shopping. drinking. house work. you know, bills. and the what not

Boss: you cant do that! you have a job to do

Sam: well.. at work.. the only time anyone schedules a meeting, it's in the 11am-1pm window

Susan: i know!

Sam: it wrecks my former lunch break. or if it's not a meeting its a phone call, right as I was mid bite into a delicious pastrami and swiss cheese classic

Susan: those are the worst moments

Sam: or, someone just stops at my desk right?  hey.. look at me.. I am so important that you dont need to eat!

Bill: true. it blows

Boss: we have to schedule when we can Sam

Sam: well.. I realized if thats the ONLY time of day that anyone notices me or wants me or communicates with me.. THOSE ARE MY WORKING HOURS. The core.

Boss: that's absurd

Sam: puttin in my 120m! oh yea

Susan: oh yea!

Sam: the double desk duece! the two-fer!

Bill: yes!

Sam: the back to back 60. stereo hours. yin and yang

Boss: Sam!

Sam: representing at the peak. the summit of the day.. planting my effort flag then.. going .. um..

-silence

Sam: Anyways I think I made my point

-later

Unemployment Office Clerk: so how did you get fired

Sam: I think I made my point.